Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
