oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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