...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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