i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His nipple licking is glorious
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