nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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