I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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