can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize