anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
