First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
