First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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