our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
