those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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