I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
