I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize