so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
