yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
