I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My ass is underappreciated
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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