I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
