k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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