I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
