just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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