3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize