You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
