You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
