I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
