My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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