My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
