i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
