I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize