He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
