she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
