If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
