you guys were way drunker than both of me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who died my cat blue again?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
