I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize