I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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