FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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