it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
