ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
