you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
