i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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