If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
