I'm drive I can fine osifer
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
