Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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