I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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