The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
