I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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