Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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