she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
