I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
