i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
