After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
