I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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