Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
