dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
