Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
