She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
