I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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