I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So much rum. So many feels.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
