she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
