my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
