Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
