i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
