i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this boner is exhausting
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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