Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
