Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
