Screwed.edu
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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