I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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