Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
